What happens when you have to put something you worked so hard on, on the back burner and then have to start on something smaller to work your way back up to your original project? You get frustrated. You know your other work is far better than what you have had to lower your standards to create something ordinary. Right?! How dare they belittle your unique sense of creativity, am I getting close? Now you have to start from scratch on something new that you think your talent is above this and you’re just wasting your time and energy on such an insignificant piece that you would rather make-out a toilet seat than see your name on the front cover.
I’ll be honest, I believe my work IS above what is out there on the literary market. Maybe that makes me arrogant or too self-assured, but it’s what I believe.
Early this year as I was writing on yet another novel, I had to put it on the back burner. The book is edgy and it’s special. I believe it can reach people. It’s not a romance. It’s not a religious novel. It’s deep and sometimes raw. I write about reality and that life doesn’t always have happy endings. Bad things happen to good people and there is no reason for it. Bad guys do win from time to time. I don’t try to shelter my readers, when I write about something I am passionate about, no holds bar, you get the whole truth. Even if it’s a bitter pill to swallow (I will get back to this). Vampires don’t exist, demons do. Good will always fight against evil.
That’s what I write about. And now I have had to put my realities on the back burner while I slice myself a piece of humble pie and start a new novel series. That is my bitter pill and sort of like drinking vinegar. I hate that and I have to start off small in my writing. The novels I really wish I could write are not “appropriate” for either the Christian or Secular markets. It either is to vulgar (Christian market) or too clean (Secular market). I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place. Neither will give and the things I wish to write, the things I have a passion for, no one wants. It’s not good enough for the literary world. I’m not your average female writer, who’s only hope is to be romance novelist, I want to impact people. To show them yes I am a Christian, but I’m not perfect. I mess up and I need God to pull me up by my bootstraps and keep going. For now I must eat my humble pie and write what’s expected of me.